Thursday, March 4, 2021

P Anonymous: On a Mission from God

P Anonymous is a quasi-theocratic, left-wing, loosely organized network and community of believers who embrace holy political truths. These truth seekers maintain that following the presidency of Lyndon Baines Johnson, Satan infiltrated the Republican Party. Since that time, there has been a dynamic interplay between good and evil within the party.

"P", writing in the sacred scrolls, observes that with each succeeding Republican president, overall policy skewed, more and more, towards autocracy and a financial aristocracy, and away from democracy and equality. Republican policy has increasingly sanctioned a lack of concern for country, the environment, and the quality of life for the average American citizen with each consecutive term.

Though he really was a crook, Nixon did implement a myriad of progressive domestic and environmental policies. Both Reagan and H.W. Bush instituted progressive tax policies during their tenure. And W. Bush, acting as a minimalist, fostered NCLB and AIDS research. "P" recognizes that with the election of Donald Trump, Satan took complete control of the Republican Party and speaks directly through him.

Joseph Biden and Kamala Harris were enlisted to save the American experiment and restore the American values of truth, justice, compassion, equality, liberty, and unity to all American citizens. According to the holy archives, Harris is a descendant of Balthazar, one of the three wise men present at the birth of Jesus.

Though the identity of P. remains a mystery, followers believe he is an aging boomer living in the San Fernando Valley, presumably with a Liberal Arts degree, who is committed to elucidating the obvious truth of a burgeoning international conspiracy to impose autocratic rule and feudalism worldwide. The movement communicates through a hybrid version of COBAL trying to avoid the aura of being clandestine. Supporters identify with P., they do not deify him.

On a somber note, the sacred archives predicted the death of Rush Limbaugh. They document that Sean Hannity broadcasts from his basement, a full 38 miles from Manhattan, due to certain proclivities he shares with Jerry Falwell, Jr., Paul Manafort, and Roger Stone. And the scrolls predict that Donald Trump will run for the presidency in 2024. Only he will run from prison like Eugene Debs did in 1920.